I think I’ll talk about my first problem with autism or ASD with a little problem I have currently and it may explain how I work. Patterns, lots of patterns. My current issue is my daily commute and one lady (who I suspect I now have some name, could be wrong but I believe it’s a J), gets on further up the line. Nothing unusual.
For me, the most difficult problem is understanding body language, she also knows I carry a particular type of laptop, a Panasonic Toughbook, at the moment it’s more like 2. A Mk1 and Mk2 (as one cannot run windows, the other can). It has a rear facing camera which I would think would put people off. It also has “incognito” mode, basically, you can press a hotkey and it shuts all noise, light and appear dead. Great for management, however – just doesn’t work on Linux. So, I’ve carried the Mk1 with me, had it on a plate stand, broke the plate stand, used a Bluetooth keyboard, done all sorts of weird things. Carried different type of laptops and if she is observant, probably recognises a lot of them.
Enough of the laptop, that is the distinguishing thing about me at the moment (maybe I should swap it for my Dell?).
As mentioned, women and me don’t get on very well, with relationships, I tend to go for the larger ones, mostly borne out of lack of confidence and the body language is far different – general observation. Dating sites tend to come up with nothing at the moment and for my issues, I don’t want to be passed around from person to person, just one while I am nearly approaching 40.
Trying to date for me has been pretty much a big disaster. Firstly, took an interest in someone many years ago and I got threatened to be beaten up. Yes really, that was problem no.1. So got to know people, get into trying to work out the body language and at college, took an interest in a few and, this time, ended up in lots of trouble as I am seen as “creepy”, “annoying”, “weird”, you name it, while at other times, I’ve been grouped and abused – in public! Then went online and became vulnerable to scams and fraud. All this just to spend my life with one person. So now, I am extremely careful with women, particularly younger ones.
Some readers may think that I need therapy for this sort of thing, counselling, etc. Actually, no, what I need is training, if I keep making the same mistake over and over, is me that is the problem, so I need a little help to understand the difference between someone interested, someone likes and someone disinterested. I prefer text because for me, it’s easier to understand and has no ambiguity with Non-Verbal Communication. I’ll have to explain more Indepth about these problems and the issue it caused, but that’s for another time and I have to be careful with what I say as I think that could land me in trouble.
The weird thing is, I keep getting comments of “You’ll find someone”, “You’ve got lots to offer”, I get so many positive comments but no one bites the bullet. If I am honest, I rather be approached but then there is a way to do it and not to do it. Getting really intense to show interest again, weirdly, turns me off. Why? Its happened before and guess what? I’ve got it wrong and ended up in trouble. Now do you see a pattern? What does this have to do with my current situation? Well, I can read too deeply into something to try and find patterns
So now comes the bigger issue, 3 people. One rather quiet, one who has been quite subtle about it – that’s if you call a hydrogen bomb as subtle and one that sits directly opposite me 90% of the time. Its the one that sits opposite me 90% that I am rather anxious about.
My morning commute, I usually use one particular train to get to work, I board further down the line, when I started this job, I was trying to find a space where I could sit, not too far from the blocks (buffers) at Waterloo so don’t have to walk too far down, but at the same time, walk far enough back that I don’t feel squished in from the front 5 coaches (Why do people do that? Spread yourselves out.).
Later, I discovered that the same coach I use also has other staff that join me on a more permeant basis, that do various jobs in the business, so I have others to talk to, one gets off halfway along, one gets off further up and one or two go all the way.
Usually, I’m quite quiet, use the laptop to build models, work on the computer at home, etc. However, halfway up the line, this person joins the train, but its random. I first noticed this person when she was with a friend, they were talking the whole journey in an airline seat. Around May or June this year. The next day, sat opposite me on their own, the day after, sat opposite me on their own, with earphones in and went to sleep or pretended to be. Didn’t see them for a few weeks but, after that, opposite me. Now, I always go for a table seat as I use the computer a lot, but this is where it gets murkier. I could understand if there were other seats available and they’ve used airline seats, but once, moved coaches, one person on one table opposite me with 3 spare seats, one table with me on it, 3 spare seats. The other one had a lady on it on her computer. Sat opposite me. Have had other staff around me and sat next to them, they got off so had to move, then sat opposite me.
There’s a lot of patterns I’m seeing, but I’ve not looked at other potential observation’s as I can’t see them.
Interesting problem this morning, they go to the end of the line, so, I’m on a late running train, they don’t get on it as its faster – probably thinking its full, but they know almost always, I get on the train that is now delayed because I saw her on the platform at the station she gets on.
I’ve talked about the issue to one colleague more recently, but only briefly as I spotted her friend nearby and I didn’t want to talk too much. For me, its just knowing, it could be nothing but random, however, why most of the time? I don’t know. Just if only I could read body language.
So, any suggestions on how to get over this dilemma?